He’s a recent widower (wife died of cancer in June 2010.) We started dating just after Labor Day. We live about an hour and 1/2 apart and he has a very high level job and a big house to take care of (and a dog.) There has been no sex yet but lots of “foreplay.” He says he always waits to have sex until he’s more sure of the woman.
I want to see more of him at this point (3 months,) especially on Saturday nights.
Next, something I know (and have stated repeatedly) about men – of all ages: We do what we want. Which means that even if many widowers throw themselves into new relationships because of their tremendous loneliness, THIS one seems to be functioning more like your basic super-successful middle-aged man. You can give him an extra-wide berth because he’s newly single, but be forewarned: a man who is newly single (and is keeping a little distance) is probably going to want to get a greater sampling of what’s available instead of diving right back into commitment.
If he were lonely and desperate to get married, I’d feel better about your chances, but he’s not.
Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged.
SHE DOESNâ T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you donât take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. If you focus on what you love, you canât help but be consumed by love.
Give him another month to try harder and if he fails, walk away.
So when a woman survives her husband, she’s got a circle of friends from the neighborhood, from work, from her card game, from her book club, from her salsa classes. Regardless, he dictates the terms of the relationship based on HIS needs and schedule. To his credit, he’s taking things slow, to avoid diving into another serious relationship that he may end up regretting.I made that need known last weekend in a calm, rational way.In your book, you said that if a guy isn’t seeing you more than once a week by the 3 months point, he probably isn’t interested in a serious relationship.My question is this – does this apply to widowers as well or is it fair to give him a little more time and just get busy with other things so I don’t put pressure on him?He says he has always taken it slow in dating and this is nothing new.